Cheerfulness, delight, gladness, happiness
For my scripture study today I read about joy, and I found this:
"...weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning." - Psalms 30:5
Although we will experience sadness, and hard times that cause us to weep, hopefully those experiences will also bring us to our knees to Him who can show us and give us joy no matter what is going wrong around us.
"This is the day the Lord hath made; we will rejoice and be glad in it." - Psalms 118:24
I think to feel joy or see what there is to have joy about in our lives is a choice; we have to want it to have it. Like most things in life that are worth it, it takes effort. But joy is there to be had.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Doing Well
Ever since our trip to Utah and visit to Luisa's grave and recognizing that I needed to put my energy amongst the living, I have noticed a change. I feel a little lighter than I did before, if that makes sense. Not saying that I am without bad days, because I still have bad days, but the grieving is not as painful. Mother's Day was nice, relaxing, and I thoroughly enjoyed being a Mom this day, cherishing little round faces smudged with chocolate all the more then I have before. I hope and pray that others that grieve can feel peace and find solace and learn and grow through the process.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Due Date
Tomorrow is April 29. A rather insignificant date to most people, even to me until just recently. April 29 was Luisa's proclaimed due date back before we knew of her ABS and Acrania. Just a little bit ago I was not looking forward to this day. But, today I am okay, resigned, even at peace. Why?
Well, last week we went up to Salt Lake City, Utah for Easter, to visit family, and to visit Luisa's grave. I was sooooo looking forward to this trip. And it was a nice trip, but it was not what I had anticipated. I had planned to go visit her grave everyday that we were there. The first day I brought the little boys with me. A mistake. I won't tell you what they did because it was totally irreverant, and boy-like. We put pretty pink flowers on her grave. The second day, I went alone. It was nice, peaceful. I put a beautiful, fresh bouquet of white shasta daisies on her grave. I cried a bit, pondered much. The third day, I went with my husband. We put a very pretty, girly pink easter basket flower arrangement on her grave. I loved it. I wish I had taken a picture, but I didn't think to. And I thought. And thought. And we left. And I thought some more. Through the rest of our trip, and into several days of being home, and this is what I have come up with.
I think, with this visit, I was expecting a grand, spiritually illuminating experience. And it wasn't. It was nice, quite normal actually, and that was not what I had anticipated. That third day that we were at her grave, this scripture came into my mind:
"...Why seek ye the living among the dead?" - Luke 24:5
This scripture is in reference to the resurrection of Christ from the tomb, but it struck me as being pertinent to my situation right there at my daughters grave. She is not dead. She is not there. Her body is, for now. But she is with our Father in Heaven. Wow. So awesome for her. And she, and my Heavenly Father, and my brother Jesus Christ, and all of my other loved ones that have passed on before her, want me to be among the living. I know that she has moved on, and I need to as well. I need to spend my time and energy in becoming the wonderful and supportive Wife that my husband needs, and into a strong, nurturing Mother that my sweet ( although at times devilish) boys need, and deserve, and a righteous Woman so that I can be in Heaven eternally with my family, with my sweet Luisa.
So tomorrow will come and with it I will make the most of the day by being among the living, most especially with my husband and children.
Well, last week we went up to Salt Lake City, Utah for Easter, to visit family, and to visit Luisa's grave. I was sooooo looking forward to this trip. And it was a nice trip, but it was not what I had anticipated. I had planned to go visit her grave everyday that we were there. The first day I brought the little boys with me. A mistake. I won't tell you what they did because it was totally irreverant, and boy-like. We put pretty pink flowers on her grave. The second day, I went alone. It was nice, peaceful. I put a beautiful, fresh bouquet of white shasta daisies on her grave. I cried a bit, pondered much. The third day, I went with my husband. We put a very pretty, girly pink easter basket flower arrangement on her grave. I loved it. I wish I had taken a picture, but I didn't think to. And I thought. And thought. And we left. And I thought some more. Through the rest of our trip, and into several days of being home, and this is what I have come up with.
I think, with this visit, I was expecting a grand, spiritually illuminating experience. And it wasn't. It was nice, quite normal actually, and that was not what I had anticipated. That third day that we were at her grave, this scripture came into my mind:
"...Why seek ye the living among the dead?" - Luke 24:5
This scripture is in reference to the resurrection of Christ from the tomb, but it struck me as being pertinent to my situation right there at my daughters grave. She is not dead. She is not there. Her body is, for now. But she is with our Father in Heaven. Wow. So awesome for her. And she, and my Heavenly Father, and my brother Jesus Christ, and all of my other loved ones that have passed on before her, want me to be among the living. I know that she has moved on, and I need to as well. I need to spend my time and energy in becoming the wonderful and supportive Wife that my husband needs, and into a strong, nurturing Mother that my sweet ( although at times devilish) boys need, and deserve, and a righteous Woman so that I can be in Heaven eternally with my family, with my sweet Luisa.
So tomorrow will come and with it I will make the most of the day by being among the living, most especially with my husband and children.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
The Monument
I think my grandmother is a saint. She is very dear to me. She is a woman that has had a lot of sorrow in her life and has seen several loved ones pass away before her from a very young age, including one of her sons. She sent me the following poem with a beautiful figurine of a mother with two little boys.
The Monument
God,
Before He sent His children to earth
Gave each of them
A very carefully selected package
Of problems.
These,
He promised, smiling
Are yours alone. No one
Else may have the blessings
These problems will bring you.
And only you
Have the special talents and abilities
That will be needed
To make these problems
Your servants.
Now go down to your birth
And to your forgetfulness. Know that
I love you beyond measure.
These problems that I give you
Are a symbol of that love.
The monument you make of your life
With the help of your problems
Will be a symbol of your
Love for me.
Your Father.
by Blaine M. Yorgason
The Monument
God,
Before He sent His children to earth
Gave each of them
A very carefully selected package
Of problems.
These,
He promised, smiling
Are yours alone. No one
Else may have the blessings
These problems will bring you.
And only you
Have the special talents and abilities
That will be needed
To make these problems
Your servants.
Now go down to your birth
And to your forgetfulness. Know that
I love you beyond measure.
These problems that I give you
Are a symbol of that love.
The monument you make of your life
With the help of your problems
Will be a symbol of your
Love for me.
Your Father.
by Blaine M. Yorgason
Friday, April 1, 2011
April 1st
Today is April 1st. A big day for pranksters and jokesters, but not a day of pranks and jokes for me. This marks 3 months since the premature birth of Luisa. I am sad. Not in the depths of despair sad, but just a touch of melancholy, I guess. I bought some white shasta daisies to commemorate the day. They look pretty on my table, and do lift my spirits a bit. Its days like these that I really, really wish we lived in Utah so that I could go visit Luisa's grave. I would love to be there right now to put some fresh flowers on her beautiful plot of land. Anyone in the Salt Lake area feel like doing that small service for this melancholy Mommy :)? Luckily, we will be there in about 3 weeks. I can hardly wait. But, I guess for today I will let myself be melancholy and enjoy the Shasta daisies and maybe I can think of something else to do to lift my spirits. Right now, I am drawing a blank. Suggestions? Anyone?
Monday, March 28, 2011
Life and Death
I have been inspired by this song. Often when I listen to it, I close my eyes and I can clearly picture myself standing alone at Luisa's grave. Taking deep breaths as if physically inhaling so deeply will help me to cement all that has passed more deeply to myself; truly etching the whole experience on my heart. This song puts me in a contemplative mood.
It has been said that, "...Life's starkest reality is death...It is a universal commonality, one thing which every mortal shares with every other mortal, this in spite of earthly status and accomplishments. Every man or woman is born, and every man and woman must die." - Robert L. Millet and Joseph Fielding McConkie.
Life and death are so intertwined. It doesn't matter if we are rich or poor, smart or not, we all, on this earth, have been given life. And in that same thought, rich or poor, smart or not, we will all experience death.
But what can make us different from one another is how we handle life and how we handle death. Do we live life to die? Or do we live life to live? When death comes, do we celebrate the life that was and the life that will be, or curse the event that will inevitably come to all of us? Honestly, I have done both.
To my sweet daughter, Luisa,
I love you so much. I am forever grateful for the lessons that I have learned and am still learning in this experience. Whenever I have the chance to ponder on your sweetness my eyes are wet with tears, but not tears of sadness; tears of humility, of overwhelming love, tears of gratitude that you chose me to be your mother. I love you, I love you, I love you.
It has been said that, "...Life's starkest reality is death...It is a universal commonality, one thing which every mortal shares with every other mortal, this in spite of earthly status and accomplishments. Every man or woman is born, and every man and woman must die." - Robert L. Millet and Joseph Fielding McConkie.
Life and death are so intertwined. It doesn't matter if we are rich or poor, smart or not, we all, on this earth, have been given life. And in that same thought, rich or poor, smart or not, we will all experience death.
But what can make us different from one another is how we handle life and how we handle death. Do we live life to die? Or do we live life to live? When death comes, do we celebrate the life that was and the life that will be, or curse the event that will inevitably come to all of us? Honestly, I have done both.
To my sweet daughter, Luisa,
I love you so much. I am forever grateful for the lessons that I have learned and am still learning in this experience. Whenever I have the chance to ponder on your sweetness my eyes are wet with tears, but not tears of sadness; tears of humility, of overwhelming love, tears of gratitude that you chose me to be your mother. I love you, I love you, I love you.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Two Month-i-versary
I think of my sweet Luisa on a daily basis, but it seems that the past couple of days, including today, she has been in my thoughts more prominently and my heart has felt more tender and sensitive with memories of her. And I just realized a moment ago that today marks two months since I delivered Luisa at Banner Estrella hospital ( the best hospital with the best nurses EVER). I wonder if my spirit realized that before my human self did and that is why I have recently been more emotional in regards to her. Either way, I'm glad. I want to remember, I like to remember. As of now, when I think on her, thoughts of Christ are right there with those thoughts of her, and then thoughts of Heavenly Father. And I think about how blessed I was with peace and great love and support from family and friends. Those are sweet things to think upon. I want to share with you a quote from C.S. Lewis, that I just read over on the blog Amazing Mikayla Grace:
“Grief is not, as I thought, a state, but a process.
Like a walk in a winding valley which gives you a new landscape every few miles.”
- C.S. Lewis
I love that quote, and I believe that it is true. Thanks to you who keep up with this blog and send me your loving thoughts and support through your comments, messages, and prayers. I feel so grateful for you all.
“Grief is not, as I thought, a state, but a process.
Like a walk in a winding valley which gives you a new landscape every few miles.”
- C.S. Lewis
I love that quote, and I believe that it is true. Thanks to you who keep up with this blog and send me your loving thoughts and support through your comments, messages, and prayers. I feel so grateful for you all.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
