The Reason

This blog was started as a way for me to record our, my daughter Luisa and our family's, journey with Amniotic Band Syndrome that presented itself on the head of our sweet daughter. And has turned into a journey of dealing with a fatal prognosis, and the very premature death of our sweet baby. My great hope is that we might be able to help at least someone, if not more, by sharing this experience.

Monday, March 28, 2011

Life and Death

I have been inspired by this song. Often when I listen to it, I close my eyes and I can clearly picture myself standing alone at Luisa's grave. Taking deep breaths as if physically inhaling so deeply will help me to cement all that has passed more deeply to myself; truly etching the whole experience on my heart. This song puts me in a contemplative mood.

It has been said that, "...Life's starkest reality is death...It is a universal commonality, one thing which every mortal shares with every other mortal, this in spite of earthly status and accomplishments. Every man or woman is born, and every man and woman must die." - Robert L. Millet and Joseph Fielding McConkie.

Life and death are so intertwined. It doesn't matter if we are rich or poor, smart or not, we all, on this earth, have been given life. And in that same thought, rich or poor, smart or not, we will all experience death.

But what can make us different from one another is how we handle life and how we handle death. Do we live life to die? Or do we live life to live? When death comes, do we celebrate the life that was and the life that will be, or curse the event that will inevitably come to all of us? Honestly, I have done both.

To my sweet daughter, Luisa,
I love you so much. I am forever grateful for the lessons that I have learned and am still learning in this experience. Whenever I have the chance to ponder on your sweetness my eyes are wet with tears, but not tears of sadness; tears of humility, of overwhelming love, tears of gratitude that you chose me to be your mother. I love you, I love you, I love you.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Two Month-i-versary

I think of my sweet Luisa on a daily basis, but it seems that the past couple of days, including today, she has been in my thoughts more prominently and my heart has felt more tender and sensitive with memories of her. And I just realized a moment ago that today marks two months since I delivered Luisa at Banner Estrella hospital ( the best hospital with the best nurses EVER). I wonder if my spirit realized that before my human self did and that is why I have recently been more emotional in regards to her. Either way, I'm glad. I want to remember, I like to remember. As of now, when I think on her, thoughts of Christ are right there with those thoughts of her, and then thoughts of Heavenly Father. And I think about how blessed I was with peace and great love and support from family and friends. Those are sweet things to think upon. I want to share with you a quote from C.S. Lewis, that I just read over on the blog Amazing Mikayla Grace:

“Grief is not, as I thought, a state, but a process.
Like a walk in a winding valley which gives you a new landscape every few miles.”
- C.S. Lewis

I love that quote, and I believe that it is true. Thanks to you who keep up with this blog and send me your loving thoughts and support through your comments, messages, and prayers. I feel so grateful for you all.