The Reason

This blog was started as a way for me to record our, my daughter Luisa and our family's, journey with Amniotic Band Syndrome that presented itself on the head of our sweet daughter. And has turned into a journey of dealing with a fatal prognosis, and the very premature death of our sweet baby. My great hope is that we might be able to help at least someone, if not more, by sharing this experience.

Monday, February 14, 2011

Lessons Learned

I have learned so much from this experience, this journey with Luisa. One reason why I feel such love for her, and so thankful that she was a part of my life is because of how much I learned and how much I've grown. Although the change has not been easy, I do not regret, or despise, or shun anything that has happened concerning Luisa. I still feel some pain, now and then. Usually, recently anyway, its only been when I am with a pregnant woman or a new mommy. I do feel a bit of pain, and its difficult, but its getting better, its getting a bit easier, each time I happen to be with one of those two types of women. But here are some lessons I have learned:

1. People are beautiful, much more so than I really realized before.
2. The relationships we have with our spouses, our children, our parents ( through blood and marriage ), our siblings ( through blood and marriage ) and our close, dear friends are things that are truly priceless and most important, being trumped only by our relationship with our Heavenly Father. I see the people in my life differently. I love them more dearly. I feel more grateful than before that I have them in my life.
3. Pregnancy and child birth are truly miraculous events. That is something I took for granted before because both of my previous pregnancies were totally easy and both of my boys were and are completely whole and healthy. It is a miracle that we have so many healthy, happy children running around this place.
4. There is beauty in death. I do not mean that in a weird, goth way. What I mean is that, death is a transition from our earthly life, to our eternal, heavenly life. The beauty of it is, it brings a closeness to those that are left here on earth that no other event really can, and once you have experienced the loss of a dear, loved one, it brings a depth to your character that no other event can. There is also beauty in knowing that your dear one is going home. To their real home. To their real parents ( because I believe in a Heavenly Mother as well) to be in a state of joy and happiness that is just not possible here on Earth. At least not consistently possible.
5. Our relationship with our Heavenly Father is essential, plain and simple. Read your scriptures, pray, meditate, be obedient, repent NOW, so when hard times come, which they will, you will make it through. I am so grateful for the relationship that I had with my Heavenly Father before. I know thats why I haven't fallen into a pit of darkness and despair. I can see how that can easily happen in a situation like ours. I know its because of the faith that we had, as well as that of our dear family and friends that we were lifted and able to move forward and that is how we still do it today, and that is how we will be able to make it through the rest of our trials. And I am so grateful for the relationship that I have with Him now. It has only been strengthened and more developed.

I am sure there have been more things that I have learned but those are the things that stick out to me right now. I hope that for anyone going through a hard time right now, especially the loss of a baby, or anyone for that matter, is able to see the good in what they are going through and be able to make that difficult time something that will make them stronger and be something they and those around them can benefit from.


  1. So very true Kat. We are blessed to know these lessons now - even though it took such pain to learn them. Hugs!!

  2. Kat,
    Thank you so much for sharing these lessons. This pregnancy has been difficult for me...both physically and emotionally. I feel like I have so little patience for my other 2 kiddos and I seem to have no energy for anything. Reading about your experience keeps everything in perspective for me and I've found myself trying a lot harder to be more patient and more positive. Thank you so much for sharing!!! Thoughts, prayers and hugs are with you!!!!

  3. Well said! I'm glad to hear you're feeling a little better. You'll still have your moments, but it certainly does get easier with time. Take care of yourself!

  4. So very true... especially # 3 for me. I had 2 kids, easily and they were for the most part healthy... Then after I was older and I felt more prepared to have another child, I had miscarriage after miscarriage... I definitely realized I had taken for granted just how much of a miracle it is to even get pregnant let alone give birth to a healthy child. You are a strong woman and I know you have dealt with this with grace... More than I can even imagine even with what i have dealt with.