Do you know what is sad? Things have been so out of whack for us the past few weeks that I feel like I have not had time to ponder on my sweet baby Luisa. And you know what? Although I feel like we are doing pretty well, overall, with this whole grieving thing, I still need time to just ponder on her and feel emotions connected to her and remember how special her life is to me. I NEED that. Right now. I am not ready to be done with grieving and I know that is ok. Its just been harder to do. And you know what is just a pity? The cause of our out of whack-ness is microscopic. Not able to be seen with the naked eye. That would be bacteria, or a virus. Sinus infections, ear infections, croup, blechiness and LOTS of crying. We don't handle illness well in our house. I just put the kids down for naptime/quiettime and I stood in front of Luisa's Memory Wall ( we put up a memory wall that I will hopefully post pictures of soon. With her picture and a dress and some other momentos) and breathed. It was nice. I felt like I was breathing in her memory as I stood there. And I felt like I was breathing in her sweetness and love. And Paul Cardall was playing in the background and I just felt the need to share these thoughts.
A few weeks ago I decided that I needed to date myself. My husband and I are pretty good about dating each other. Every Friday night. Whether we go out or stay in, we date every Friday night. And its nice. Last Friday was Olive Garden take-out with a diet Cherry Coke and The Last of the Airbenders via Netflix. Date night is a tradition that I love and that we need. But, in my quest to evolve into this new woman that I am becoming now having gone through this difficult, yet beautiful experience; I decided that its high time that I start dating myself. So now, every Thursday night is my date night...with myself. The first date stank, as first dates often do. I cleaned bathrooms, and I vowed never to waste a date night doing THAT again. The second date, I read and read and read a really good book. It was lovely. The third date, I decided that I needed to go out. So I went to Michael's and bought things that I really don't need and it was awesome. And then I went to Kohl's and bought not one, but two dresses ( one for church, and a sweet one for hubby date nights out). Ahhh, bliss. And I went out to dinner at Paradise and enjoyed being me... and I thought... and thought... and thought upon my daughter. And how happy I am that she is my daughter...forever, and I know she is. And I felt my spirits being lifted. And I knew then and know now that these dates with myself are not just nice, but necessary. So, tonight, for my date night, I am going to a church activity for just the women in our congregation, and then I think I might go to Coldstone. Or Trader Joes. Or....who knows. But I am looking forward to it. And my husband? Well, he's getting used to it, and once the kids go to bed, I know he enjoys having some time to himself to do really important Geek Guys things. Like, play games on his phone or Playstation. So its kind of a date night for himself, too. I think we all should date ourselves.