A year ago.... we had just gotten back from visiting family up in Utah the night before. With two young boys, it was a tiring trip. We busily and excitedly got ready for the day. An exciting day. Ultrasound day. We took the boys to the sitter and made our way to the ultrasound office. We checked in, waited, got called back, got gooped up and it started. All was normal. But it wasn't normal. The word normal will forever stick out in my mind from that day because the ultrasound tech used that word for everything at the beginning. Until...she said, "now let's take a look at the head..." Pause. Silence. Up until that point she reminded me of the teacher from Ferris Beullers day off, but instead of saying, "Beuller, Beuller" , she kept saying, " and here is the _____, strong and normal." And this silence gave me a sick feeling in my stomach. And I finally asked, " Is it normal?" And thus began our whirlwind of a holiday season. No, not normal. No not perfect. But beautiful nonetheless. A beautiful, but exhausting whirlwind of emotions and events and thoughts and growth.
I really was not sure what this season would do to me. But, ironically, its mostly been normal. Our Thanksgiving was quiet and lovely. I did some hard core Black Friday shopping and got some killer deals on gifts for the boys. Of course, when I have a quiet moment to spare, I recall the events of last holiday season, and my heart aches for that mother, and I think to myself, "Oh, I do not want to go through that ever again." To be honest, I don't think I could.
It is hard to remember the past, but I know that its good for me. Catharsis for my soul. I remember thinking at one time that it totally sucked to have this happen during the most beautiful time of the year. But, I think, that its the perfect time. For, when I think of Luisa, and all that we went through, my thoughts always eventually turn to the Saviour, and this is His special holiday.
So this first anniversary, the date when we found out that we were to be the parents of a girl that had a slim to none chance of survival, has been ok. It's been normal. Cleaning, errands, wrangling young children. And now this wonderful moment of quiet to ponder and reflect.