This morning we went to the cemetery to visit Luisa's grave. We are up in Utah for the holidays. It was a beautiful day and a beautiful way to start our Christmas Eve. We bought her a little white Christmas tree and decorated it with bright pink ornaments and a bright pink butterfly on top. I love it. Looking at it makes me happy. Its cheerful. The butterfly is significant to baby-loss Moms because many hospitals, including the one I delivered Luisa at, put a paper butterfly on your hospital room door when you are there going through that difficult trial, as a symbol to the other hospital staff to be sensitive and respectful. That"s why, in the baby loss community, many baby loss Moms are referred to as Butterfly Mommys. I feel happy to be a Butterfly Mommy today. Of course, I don't ever want to be in a position to bury a child again, I feel such peace today. And I am grateful for that. I would hate to spend my holidays depressed and miserable.
Like I said, the cemetery was beautiful. My husband and I are very impressed with how decorated the cemetery was. There were tons of wreaths and poinsettias and mini Christmas trees, and even a few large Christmas trees, spread all through out the cemetery. And as I looked around, I felt a sweet strong feeling of love. I felt love for my Luisa, and my husband and my boys and the new little girl in my womb, Karina. And I felt love all around me. The love that other families had for their loved ones that had passed on. Beautiful it was. The tears came, but they were brought on by the Spirit of Love that was there, not by sadness.