The Reason

This blog was started as a way for me to record our, my daughter Luisa and our family's, journey with Amniotic Band Syndrome that presented itself on the head of our sweet daughter. And has turned into a journey of dealing with a fatal prognosis, and the very premature death of our sweet baby. My great hope is that we might be able to help at least someone, if not more, by sharing this experience.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Remembering January 11th

The hardest thing about today is that I am not in Salt Lake City to visit Luisa's grave and put flowers there myself. And that is actually a really, really hard thing for me. Every time I think about it I get tears in my eyes.
But we did do something special today.

We got four small bouquets of purple pom daisies ( I really wanted white but they didn't have any, but they were still very pretty), and we went and visited a cemetery here in the area. We put three on some sweet little baby graves that didn't have any flowers on them, and in my head I imagined how grateful and happy I would feel if someone, even a stranger, would put some flowers on Luisa's grave. And then we put one on the grave of a wife, and mother, and friend that passed away 6 months ago. In memory of Luisa, from one family who has dealt with the difficulty of a loss to another. Although the losses are different, and the circumstances are different, a loss is a loss and is a very hard thing to go through. The bouquets were really pretty. I explained what I was doing and why to the florist and she was so good to take her time and make them look really nice even though she was so busy. I really appreciated that. And the boys were uncharacteristically cooperative. So it really was a pleasant outing.
When we arrived back from our trip to Utah someone had left this on our door.

It was actually two someone's and it was such a pretty, and welcome surprise.

So the time of hard anniversaries are over. Of course they'll come again in a year, but the first ones, I imagine, are the hardest. I am so grateful for my Heavenly Father who has so kindly blessed me with sweet feelings of peace and love throughout this time. I am also so grateful for the love and kindness shown to me from our family and some dear friends. Everything that you did or said, and quite possibly prayed for helped, so much. Thank you. I am also grateful to be blessed with the opportunity to be a mother. Oh, its a challenge and some days I don't like it all that much, but I am grateful to be one. It is an honor. And every child that is here with us is SUCH a miracle. Really and truly. That is something very important that I have learned with this whole experience of losing a child. I hope that anyone going through a trial as difficult as this one may be blessed with the same things that I have been blessed with to help you through. And if you need some help, don't be afraid to reach out and let others know. There are times when challenges are just too big and too much to go it alone. And I know that this is one that I could not have gone through alone. My love to all that has been there for me and my deepest, sincerest sympathies to any who may be going through something similar.

1 comment:

  1. I love the flowers :) For me, the first one was the hardest, esp leading up to it. We are approaching the 3rd in a few months and it is easier to deal w/ for me (right now) but I know for some it can be more difficult. It's so hard to predict how it will be.