On December 31, 2010 I was at the lowest I had been in a long long time. I felt so dejected, so numb, and forgotten. It was a horrible place to be. I completely forgot that it was New Years Eve, a time of merriment and fun for a lot of people. I was at the very opposite of the spectrum. At the convincing of my In-Laws that we really needed to get out, we did catch a late movie and it did help lift my mood a bit. The clock struck 12 I think as we walked in the door and minutes later the call finally came from the hospital letting us know that they could admit us. Finally. I was so mad at that hospital then. I almost hated them. But, they completely redeemed themselves with their great, compassionate care.
This year had to be different, but I wasn't quite sure what to do. And somehow in my thinking I came up with the idea of bringing in this New Year, and commemorating one year since Luisa's birth with butterflies. I contacted all of my family and most of my close friends and invited them all to join us in celebrating a new beginning and remember a short but sweet life by wearing butterflies. And, let me tell you, having my friends and family join us in this simple activity lifted my spirits so much. It was so beautiful to me. It made me so happy. It really helped to turn bitter into sweet. I really don't know why though, but it really, really did.
One of my sister in laws also gave us butterfly manicures and pedicures. I loved it!
And then my sweet friends back in Arizona ( because we were in Utah at the time ) also participated and sent me their pictures.
I really cannot tell you how much it touched me to have as many people as I did participate. It was the best way to end a difficult year and begin a year full of promise. Thank you so much my friends, my family, for obliging my simple request that lifted my heart so much.
Just a note, in case you don't know or have forgotten, butterflies are special to me because the hospital that we delivered Luisa at put a paper butterfly on our door for our stay there to let the staff know that we were delivering a still baby to use extra care and sensitivity. And I know that other hospitals do it, I'm not sure if every one does though, but in the baby loss community you can often see Mom's who have lost a baby at anytime referred to as Butterfly Mommies.
So this Butterfly Mommy was so grateful for the support and demonstration of love from so many people around me. Thank you again.