Getting to the hospital

We found out on Dec. 29, 2010 that sweet Luisa no longer had a heartbeat. The perinatal specialist doing the ultra sound called the hospital that we were planning on delivering at and spoke with the doctor on call from the practice I go to, to inform them of our situation. He then told us to go home and pack the things that we would want with us at the hospital, and that the hospital would call us that afternoon to inform us of when to come in. So we did just that, made arrangements for our two boys, and then waited. And waited. And waited. And finally in the early evening I called them to find out what was going on. The hospital said that they were packed and that we were on a list, the priority list, but that we wouldn't be going in that day, but most likely the next morning.

Dec. 30, 2010, our 4th wedding anniversary. We didn't really celebrate it. My awesome husband was very thoughtful and gave me a beautiful card and bouquet of roses with chocolate. But, overall we just were not in the celebrating mood. We got up, got ready expecting to get a phone call from the hospital that morning. But, we waited. And waited. And waited. And in the late afternoon my husband calls to find out that we were now #2 on the priority list and that there was a slight chance that we would get in that night, but it would most likely be in the morning. Devastation. The hospital was managing to make an already difficult, awful situation worse. We were in such mental and emotional agony. And we were upset and ANGRY. They did not call that night.

Dec. 31, 2010, New Years Eve. I completely forgot that this was a big party day. I felt despondant. I felt dejected. I felt at the bottom. I felt that I and my dead child did not matter as much as the live babies being born. I felt so, so very low. We live in a big city, there are quite a few hospitals here. I really wanted to just try a different hospital, but I was just not in the state of mind to try and figure the logistics of it. My husband made some more phone calls to the hospital and to the on call doctor. The day passed, still no phone call. The hospital had the same story; a lot of women coming in and having babies and no rooms available. In the evening I got a call from my sincerely apologetic and concerned Ob/gyn. Due to the all around craziness, there was missed communication and he did not know of our situation until that day. He said that they had so many women having babies there was a waiting list just to get in to triage, and they had just gotten permission to have a non-labor and delivery floor in the hospital opened to labor and delivery patients. He said he would do everything he could to get us in, but it was not looking like it would be that day. I was beyond devastation, I was numb. With the encouragement of my husband's parents, who had come down to be with us to help us with our two little boys, we decided to go see a movie to help us take our minds off. We went and saw Tron in 3D, which was really cool, and we walked in the door at midnight feeling a little more relaxed.

Jan. 1, 2011, within minutes of the start of the new year my phone rang. It was the hospital letting us know that they had a room ready for us and to come check in at the hospital at 1 a.m. We were pretty surprised but we were ready. I knew that Luisa had moved on, and was happy, and perfect and beautiful. And I knew that she wanted us to move on, but I felt like we couldn't until I delivered her sweet, precious body. It was an awful, horrible feeling and position to be in and one that I really hope no one has to go through.